is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
