her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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