mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
