drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ok first of all what the fuck
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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