She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
