Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
