Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
