Non-Jews are for practice
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just invented taco cereal.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i've created a new STD.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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