I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
