You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So much rum. So many feels.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
