Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize