One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
