just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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