Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
