3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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