We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
