I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
