Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize