I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
