this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
