Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
