I think my vagina is haunted
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize