I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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