shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
