forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
