gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We just shotgunned beers for America
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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