Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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