sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
