I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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