don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
