Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
