and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you would pick up someone in the library
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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