just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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