Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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