he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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