why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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