I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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