Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize