hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
