No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
