My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
