Your mouth is God's brothel.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
