I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
