its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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