i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
