checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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