Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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