I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
