I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
