I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
