i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
