you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
