Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
