I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
