Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
