Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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