checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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