dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
