is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
