i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize