My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Never joke about your clitoris.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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