DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
