I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize