just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
